Weddings Are Not …

12 | 22 | 2009


Your wedding is not the ultimate statement of who you are as a couple. I mean: your wedding should certainly reflect you two more than it reflects just the idea of wedding. Of course.  But—and I know this is hard, and that my husband and I didn’t quite manage it ourselves when we wed—don’t let yourselves get out of hand.  Weddings are really just a public acknowledgment, an affirmation, marking the beginning of the adventure of your (official) partnership—kind of like a bon voyage. Our parents and grandparents had such different weddings.  They walked to the county courthouse, or married at a neighborhood church, with a party in Grandma’s back yard.   These weren’t grand affairs, at least not in my family, but I have such romantic ideas about them: my parents and grandparents have beautiful photographs by which I still imagine those weddings.

Weddings  are now so much bigger and more splendid and more extraordinary in design and scope than I possibly could have imagined when I was a little girl.  When we all were.  But.  How you live your married life, each and every day, or rather the sum of your days, eventually becomes a much more powerful testimony of who you are as a couple.  So, plan the wedding you imagine, great or small, near or far, lavish or serene.  I hope it is a wonderful and honest celebration (and that the photographs are fantastic, too!).  I’m just saying, I hope your marriage is even more marvelous.  Were it up to me, and were my husband and I so extraordinarily lucky, I’d rather let our fiftieth anniversary than our wedding be that ultimate statement of who we are together.*

photo: Gia Canali

p.s.  My husband says I should say that perhaps the “tip” here, if there really is one, is to plan your wedding for the couple you want to become.


4 Notes on “Weddings Are Not …

  1. tae

    Thank you for this eloquently expressed wisdom! My husband and I loved our wedding, but it is the marriage that really counts and that makes us a couple (as you said so well). It is our marriage that we cherish and work hard at, each and every day. We really appreciate your wise words 🙂 thanks again.

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