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I consider myself a collector of stories (sometimes a creator of them, but not in this case).  In this case, the story is even better than I’d imagined when I first came across this veil of exquisite beauty in the tiny bridal room at Stanford Chapel the morning of Louise’s wedding.  As she and I conversed (both there and since), and I learned more about the veil, I thought you folks might love this story as much as I do.

Connecting with the things our forebears have done for centuries is a powerful reason people get married and have weddings (and why it is an institution in all our human culture).  But getting to so tangibly, so physically connect to that past is one the rarest and most extraordinary privileges.

Plus: don’t you kind of love to imagine ladies with excruciatingly delicate fingers embroidering this lace by hand … over 150 years ago?!

From the bride:

“My grandmother grew up in San Francisco, and lived in an apartment building with her mother. They became close with Mrs. Kane, a woman down the hall who had no children of her own. When my grandmother was engaged, the neighbor loaned her a lace veil that had been handmade for *her* grandmother on her wedding day, but the neighbor never wore since she eloped.  The veil is well over a hundred years old! My grandma wore the veil when she married my grandfather in San Francisco in 1949. When they had three daughters of their own—Katie, Nyna and Mary Lou—Mrs. Kane decided the lace veil should be passed into our family permanently. Katie wore the veil when she was married in 1975; Nyna, who is my mother, wore the veil when she married my father in 1977; and Mary Lou wore the very same lace veil on her wedding day in 1980. From generation to generation, the antique lace will continue to be passed down to brides in the family, and I wore this same veil on my wedding day in March 2011.  My cousin Carrie will wear the lace next for her wedding on July 4, 2011.”

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I think we (the wedding-ready world) find it easy to mistake event design for a purely visual pursuit.  We think of the photographs. In fact, good event design goes far beyond that, into designing space and experience, which is why I think Amy’s background in architectural design (which is all about human experience in/of space) is a perfect foundation for putting together fantastic weddings and events … including her own.

And not every bride is so lucky to get to bounce ideas off haute planner Yifat Oren, but Amy, who was living in LA and working with Yifat (before her wedding and before she and Osamu moved to San Francisco)  got that rare privilege.    Here’s what Amy has to say:

“Even though I plan weddings all the time, it was tough planning my own wedding by myself.  At the time, I lived in LA and all my family and almost all of my friends were on the East Coast.  So I didn’t have my mom and a bunch of girl friends with me like an episode of “Say Yes to the Dress.” …  As much as I missed having friends and family to help, the good thing was that I was plugged into the event scene. Having worked at Yifat Oren & Associates, a top event production company, made things easier. Especially since Yifat and my former co-worker Stefanie Cove were really gracious with helping out. I don’t think Stefanie sat down at all during the wedding – she was making sure everything ran smoothly so I wouldn’t have to worry!”

{as always, click any image for a closer look!}

I asked Amy about design aesthetic (because when you’re on the inside of the wedding industry, knowing every cool detail, trend, etc., before it even hits is not necessarily an advantage) and DIY items and here is what she said:

“Most of the wedding was actually DIY, but I really didn’t want the wedding to look like it.  I think I was able to successfully pull that off because I have a strong artistic/design background (I draw, paint, love all things crafty, studied architecture, etc) and love the challenge of doing things myself. I really wanted it to look refined, but in a very natural and laid back way.

“The ceremony “ring of succulents” was DIY – I went to a nursery and picked out about 50 potted succulents, then had my brothers dig them up slice off the roots (they somehow survived afterwards though!).  The wrought-iron candleholders on the table were all borrowed from a florist (GD Designers) and I purchased all the pillar candles, so friends helped set them up on the day-of.  The bar was DIY – I used scrap fabric to cover rental tables and lit it from behind. All the paper products were DIY (the “time capsule” notes, escort cards, menus, etc), though my friend Jennifer Parsons of Tiny Pine Press was incredibly sweet and helped me letterpress.  Oh yes, and I did my own makeup in the upstairs bathroom because I always find that I look like a strange and different person when my makeup is done for me.”

And on the choice of SmogShoppe for their venue:

“‘I’m a pretty choosy person, and I really wanted to find the ideal venue for us: something non-traditional but unexpectedly beautiful, with a bit of quirkiness. I scoured places in Boston (where we went to college), Connecticut (where Osamu grew up), DC (where I grew up), and LA (where we lived). The SmogShoppe really spoke to both of us as a place we could see ourselves getting married and also having a great party. I also loved that the building is LEED certified – as someone who cares about architecture and sustainability, it seemed perfect!”

(Amy is a LEED certified professional!)

Below: a quiet first sight moment and the ceremony, which I absolutely loved for its thoughtfulness.  The “time capsule” they made along with their guests was really unique, but it was traditional to them.  They had a history of making time capsules.  Which reminds me: I always think it’s very meaningful to incorporate your history as a couple into your wedding ceremony.  Your wedding guests are your community (the group of people who uphold you when marriage is hard work!), and hearing your history vests them in your love and in your sticking-together.

I love that Amy used one of my photographs as part of the decor (see the projection!).  It’s from {this} magical backyard wedding by Yifat Oren & Associates, where she and I worked together for the first time.  I also really like the rolling work table as an escort card table, and not just because I love any furniture on wheels.  Though I do have fantasies of having my entire studio on casters …

A closer look at the table settings, with the warm glow of candles, a few scattered succulents, and breadsticks – ready for a family style dinner!

Her take on why the details are important is pretty fantastic, too.  She says that getting caught up in the small decor details is a good thing, at least in part, because “details add a layer of thoughtfulness.“  But she cautions:

♥

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photos: Gia Canali; sources & shout-outs:: planning & design, Amy Kaneko Events (the bride); venue: SmogShoppe; personal flowers, GD Designers; officiant: the author Vasugi Ganeshananthan (bride’s friend); bride’s dress: J Crew “Orion” dress; groom’s suit, Hugo Boss; bride’s hair, Salon DNA; caterer, Auntie Em’s Kitchen; ceremony music: Espi Music; reception music: DJ Crash via dubgypsy . With thanks to Yifat Oren, Stefanie Cove, and Jennifer Parsons (Tiny Pine Press!).

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We’ve got celebrity wedding planner, Yifat Oren, back with us today, offering one more expert wedding planning tip and it’s an especially good one to heed:

“There’s a whole art to the pacing of a party and the energy of a party.”

“If you create too many lulls, your reception will not be as great as it could be.  Waiting in between courses too long without giving guests something to do – like geting them up and dancing or listening to toasts – can really suck the life out of a party.   When creating your timeline, pay special consideration to timing.  A good rule of thumb is to serve a course and then have a couple of toasts.  After the toasts, clear the course and either get your guests up for some dancing or come out with the next course immediately.  For all this to run smoothly, your caterer/banquet captain at a hotel and band leader must work closely together with a well-thought-out timeline.  Ideally, you would also have someone there on the day of the wedding to manage this process and be the liaison.”

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Thinking about the flow of your party when you create your timeline is essential, particularly in considering your guests.  But a well-thought-out timeline won’t help you if you don’t stick to it (or, at least, as much as is up to you). I’m not saying, don’t let yourselves be spontaneous. I’m saying: plan for the experience you want to have and share with your guests and then have it (don’t just think it’ll happen).  Your wedding crew will be busy doing the best job they can to realize that dream wedding day for you.  Poor planning and big deviations can impact what they can do for you and can halt the party you’ve hoped for and imagined.  Plus,  a lively party renders much better on film.  Thanks (again!), Yifat.

photo: Gia Canali

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Yifat Oren has spent the last dozen years planning weddings and parties for some of the most discerning folks in Hollywood. When asked about her work, Yifat says, “I love what I do because I love what goes into weddings:  design and décor, food and wine, fine papers, entertainment, and even the creativity that goes into executing it all flawlessly.   I think the best weddings I do are a great collaboration between the clients and myself—that kind of collaboration breeds the most creative, trend-setting results.”

Those clients are high-powered and high-profile, everyone from Mariska Hargitay & Peter Hermann and Christine & Kevin Costner, to a host of Hollywood producers and business moguls.  And while a lot of what these folks do for their weddings seems (or is!) totally unattainable for most of us, some of the most important and impactful aspects of planning a fantastic wedding translate perfectly to diy (or do-it-with-a-little-help) wedding planning.  You don’t necessarily need more money or a bigger wedding budget; you just need a little forethought.

Consider The Guest Experience:

“Be thoughtful and cover your bases. When I’m planning a wedding, I walk through the entire event ahead of time, as if I am a guest. I imagine, for instance, “I just got off the shuttle. I left my hotel room an hour ago.  I’m probably thirsty and I need shade because it’s hot.  So we would serve cold beverages as soon as people get off the shuttle to quench their thirst and either a canopy or some market umbrellas for shade.  The grass is tricky to walk on because ladies’ heels will sink. So we put out ‘heel savers’ … and so on, throughout the rest of the party, ending with a heater near the valet station, to be sure your guests aren’t freezing as they wait for their vehicles.”

Here are a few specific areas you can consider:

1.    Be thoughtful about parking.

If you’re not doing a valet, it’s okay—just make sure there’s plenty of parking so your guests don’t have to walk too far or fight for spots.”

2.    Consider the weather.

If there’s sun in everybody’s eyes during the ceremony, it’s awful.  So offer some parasols or change the direction of the ceremony if possible.  It’s nice to let people know, especially the ladies, what they can expect in terms of weather and terrain for the wedding day.  If they’ll need to wear wedges, let them know.  If it’s going to be cool during the evening but hot during the day, they might not think to bring wraps, so let them know ahead of time or provide them yourself.”

3.    Consider the general appeal of the food.

You can be a total foodie, but if you want to serve something that’s wild and out there, do it as one of six appetizers, not as the main entreé that comes out for dinner.”

4.    Consider your bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Usually they have to be there hours ahead of time.  Make sure there are cold drinks for them, somewhere for them to hang their coats and stash their stuff, somewhere to sit down, and some shade, especially in the summer.”

5.    Consider the bathrooms.

Have someone checking the bathrooms throughout the night.  Make sure they are clean, well-stocked, and that the plumbing is working.  We like to set out nice hand-towels, not linen ones, but nice linen-like paper ones.  We also leave things your guests might need in the bathroom—a nail file, clear nail polish, extra deodorant, nice soap, lotion, safety pins, a mini sewing kit, and feminine hygiene products.”

♥

I think that we (the wedding-ready universe) spend a lot of time thinking about who to invite and about hiring services, but not so much time about the experience of those services for ourselves and our invited guests. Hiring services is not the same thing as creating an experience. These tips are really helpful in taking diy wedding planning that one very important step further—having bathrooms at your venue, for instance, isn’t the same thing as having continually clean, well-stocked bathrooms for you and your guests all night long.  Small but important details can be not-thought-of at all.  Of course, in a world where we all had business-mogul-sized wedding budgets, we’d want to hire an experienced and expert wedding planner to think of all these things for us (because, believe me, Yifat thinks of everything).    Check back tomorrow for part two. Thanks, Yifat!

photo: Gia Canali

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We love wedding toasts!  For one thing, hearing how other folks love the bride and groom makes us—and everybody at a wedding, I think—adore the bride and groom even more.  And the photographs of the bride and groom and the guests reacting to toasts can be so fun (though, in fact, that could go either way if the toasts are deadly-long or if there are too many of them, come to think of it).

Somehow, toasts are more-often-than-not overlooked in the orchestration and choreography of the wedding day—but they’re important because the toasts themselves can be very meaningful and the photos do actually sometimes make it into the finished wedding album. So, naturally, you want the toasting photos to be their best selves.  (And don’t think that this magically won’t happen to you on your wedding day … )

Here are a few easy tips for setting yourself up to have picture perfect toasts:

1. Have the speaker stand somewhere with a nice background and nice light, even if that spot is right at his or her dinner table.  Ample ambient light is the best kind.
2. Please don’t put your toaster in front of an EXIT sign. (This is just an expansion of point #1, I suppose).
3. Make sure your photographer is present. If you have a planner, he or she can help with this.  If you are diy-planning, you’ll need to keep an eye on this yourself.  Although your photographer may stick close by your side the entire rest of the day, during dinner time, she could be off taking photographs in another part of the event, or trying to take a quick dinner break.  If unscheduled or unannounced toasts happen, she can miss them.
4. Toasts REALLY TRULY need to be short and sweet.  Haute wedding planner, Yifat Oren, notes,”it’s a toast, not a roast.  Toasts should be short and sweet and moving and anecdotal. The longest amount of time for any one toast should be seven minutes, but preferably no longer than five.  You can say a lot in seven minutes.”  And, “if you’re planning to have 35 minutes of toasts, don’t do it all at once.”  It’s hard for the guests to sit through a bunch of long toasts (read: boring) and can bring the whole party to a halt. If someone really wants to give a long toast or say something much more expansive to or about you and your beloved, the rehearsal dinner might afford a better and more intimate opportunity for that kind of thing.

Check back tomorrow for an interview with Yifat, full of tips from celebrity weddings that are applicable to weddings on any budget.

photographs: Gia Canali

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Lovely skin makes for lovely photographs.  But knowing how to go about getting our skin and our faces camera-ready can be kind of daunting.  So, in the interest of pursuing the picture-perfect wedding, my friend (and esthetician!) Jillian has graciously offered to share some skincare information and beauty tips with all of us.  Above: Jillian on her wedding day!

How To Start: (asap!)

“To get your skin wedding-ready, it’s good to start as soon as possible.  Start getting regular facials with exfoliation and extractions to purge impurities.  Working with a professional esthetician—someone who knows your skin and is sensitive to what your skin can tolerate is very helpful.  Not only will an esthetician be able to evaluate your skin and then provide you with the necessary personalized treatments, she can also direct your at-home skincare routine.”

About One Month Before The Wedding

“Go on a peel series with your esthetician. A peel series is typically once a week for 4 – 5 weeks. It’s good to ask your esthetician what kind of peels she offers.  Try to avoid glycolic acid if possible, as it is the among the most inflammatory of all the Alpha Hydroxy Acids. Stick with a good blended layer peel or lactic acid.

or if you don’t/can’t seek a professional’s help:

Start doing gentle (gentle!) at-home exfoliation.  Try three times a week for the first couple of weeks; then every other day the last week before your wedding.  The reason Pro-Activ works so well is that it gives you daily exfoliations.  The same principle applies here.  You can blend (dilute) a scrub with your cleanser or use a gentle 5% lactic acid.”

“The Key To Glowing Skin Is Hydration—Internally and Externally.”

“Hydrating and moisturizing sound like they mean the same thing, but—at least in the beauty industry—they don’t.  Moisture has to do with putting oil(s) into the skin; hydrating puts water into the skin.  Moisturizing isn’t good for all skin types or climates.

Hydration and exfoliation make for glowing, dewy skin.  So: drink lots of water and avoid dehydrating beverages like coffee and alcohol.  For external hydration, find a hydrating mask.  Your esthetician can prescribe one that’s right for your skin; she’ll also have access to the better ones.  If you are acne-prone, exfoliation and hydration are still good for you, but look for a hydrating mask that is non-comedogenic; it’ll be more jelly-like rather than creamy.

What Else Complements Your Newly-Radiant Skin

1. Well-shaped eyebrows

2. Teeth-whitening

Consider them little helpers.

If You Break Out More Than Five Days Before The Wedding …

“If it’s just one or two spots (not a big breakout): Clean your face then run a washcloth under the hottest tap water you can get, and put it on the affected spots for 5-10 minutes.  The hot compress will help bring it to the surface.  Then you can use two q-tips to extract it, or you can take tissue and wrap it around your fingers and gently try to extract it.  Follow this up with an antibacterial compress like your toner, benzoyl-peroxide, or other acne spot-treatments.

If You Break Out Less Than Five Days Before The Wedding, LEAVE IT ALONE!

“A scab looks worse under makeup than a zit does.”

Additional Tips For Men’s Skincare

“The same basic skincare information applies, but because men shave—and breakouts and rashes from shaving are especially unflattering in person and on-camera—there are some special notes just for guys.

1. Only exfoliate at night, or as far away from shaving as possible.
2. Use a tea tree oil hair conditioner as a shave medium or put a few drops of tea tree oil into a cup of aloe vera for an anti-bacterial (but still soothing!) aftershave.
3. Men shouldn’t overlook their eyebrows either, just don’t overdo it!

♥

Thanks, Jillian!!  Check back in a bit for a do-it-yourself lip scrub recipe.

–

photo: Gia Canali

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Although I don’t wear makeup or even know how to really put it on, I do notice wedding makeup.  Or, perhaps I should say that I bemoan bad wedding makeup.  I don’t think I notice good makeup at all.  My friend and former bride, Mitra, was a certified MAC makeup artist a few years ago and did a number of weddings during that time, both through MAC and on her own.  She agreed to share some tips, and I must say, as a photographer (who knows what’s flattering) and a make-up-phobe (who groans at the thought of doing it), I think these tips are really helpful.  I’m putting in my own two-cents in italics.

1. Hire a make-up artist, or at the very least, have a make-up artist show you how to do your make-up, take her product suggestions, and practice several times before the wedding. Hiring a make-up artist is easier. Brides have enough to worry about on the wedding day!
2. A trial run of wedding-day make-up is absolutely necessary. Take a picture of your make-up in several lighting scenarios (natural light, dark w/flash, etc.). And wear the make-up 8-10 hours. See how well it holds. All make-up will need touch-ups (powder, lips, etc.), but the bulk of wedding day make-up should wear that long.  (Gia here: Makeup that looks good and makeup that looks good on-camera aren’t necessarily the same thing. Your little test shots will tell you a lot!!)
3. Everyone looks better with false eye lashes. There are so many ways to do them that look natural and gorgeous, and I think they should be attempted at the trial run before a bride rules them out.
4. If fake lashes are out of the question, Diorshow Blackout (waterproof) and Make Up For Ever Smoky Lash (waterproof) are both available at Sephora, and dramatically enhance eyes to get the benefit of fake lashes.
5. When cultivating ideas for the wedding day look, chose a celebrity or two who you resemble in face-shape and coloring, and google red carpets looks for those celebs to get ideas. Bring these pics to your trial run with the make-up artist.
6. If the make-up artist isn’t staying for the whole event, make sure that you have the lipstick/liner/gloss she used, and powder and a little foundation for touch-ups. Make a bridesmaid responsible for keeping track of these items for you, and put her in charge of checking on your make-up every so often.
7. Skin is really important to wedding day beauty. A make-up artist can even out skin tone, but there’s not much they can do for texture. Start thinking about this months in advance, and adjust your skin care regimen accordingly. If you’re paranoid about a huge zit cropping up days before the wedding, make an appointment with a derm the day before the wedding, if possible. Should a monstrous zit arrive, they can give you a cortisone injection that will get rid of it by the next day.  (Gia here: we’ll have more on good skin for your wedding soon-ish).

Thanks, Mitra! Any makeup tips from anyone else?  Former brides, feel free to chime in!

photo: Gia Canali

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Every once in a while, a wedding ceremony just knocks me out.  The words stick with me for months or years and I repeat them in my head.  At a wedding I photographed in Turks & Caicos last year, the officiant closed the ceremony by saying, “And now, not only by the laws of these islands, but also by the laws of your hearts, I declare you husband and wife.”  By the laws of your hearts. With these vows, it is the word home.

♥

Eli to Julia

“Before I start vowing Jul, i have to tell you that you are so heartbreakingly beautiful, I could cry, and I’m probably gonna…

As you know I’ve been trapped in my usual writing routine, wavering ten times over on the proper metaphor to express my love and eternal commitment to you, wracking my brain for the best possible framing device to give you, and I guess 145 of our nearest and dearest, the vows you deserve.

And I will get to my pat metaphor. But in a second, because the first thing I keep coming back to isn’t a metaphor or a quaint turn of phrase, but an overwhelming, simple gratitude. You save me every day, constantly encourage me, make me a better person just by allowing me to be in your presence. You’ve loved me without question as a friend and as a girlfriend. And now you’re even willing to marry me. And the only condition you’ve ever put on that love is that I take the trash cans out on Sunday nights.

So I guess that means I’ll be getting my first screw-up as a husband out of the way right off the bat. But I feel like we’ll get through the trial of the trash cans the same way we got here: together. Today we’re not starting to make a home, we’re continuing one. We both already know that our home is wherever we are. Home is just a synonym for the word “us”, because we already have the safety and security of absolute acceptance and optimism and faith in each other.

Now then. I promise, I VOW, to do everything I can to keep building our home up, to keep it safe and warm and inviting and fun and–of course–clean. The only way that I know how to do that is not just to feel love for you, which for me is involuntary, but also to act with love for you every day: to consider your feelings as much as I consider my own, to communicate and be patient and listen and laugh. To never shut off or shut out or forget that we are our home. To be forever thankful that I’m with someone as incredible and advanced and awe-inspiring as you. I promise I will take the cans out next week and every week thereafter.

I promise to always act with love, to return your faith and your support. No matter what successes or difficulties may come our way, I promise to remember that our home isn’t under this Huppah or even the house in Venice. Home’s in the way we treat, respect, believe in, and love each other.  And I’m so grateful that I get to build that home with you. Long story short: thank you, Julia.”

♥

Sunday, July 14, 2009

Thanks for sharing Julia & Eli! Check back soon for lots more photographs from their wedding.

photographs: Gia Canali

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